Everytime i get overwhelmed i am going to come here to write down my feelings, and just get everything off my chest. 

12/16/2011

I can not stand to live in my house anymore. It seems like no matter what i do i can never do enough. Nothing i do is good enough for anyone. Sometimes i just think it would be better to just turn over a new page, pack up everything i own, and take santini to a new town far, far away. But i know thats not going to work anyway. I have no idea where i would go. I just wish that my family would realize how much i do, and how hard i am trying to work at reaching my goals and doing what i have to, to help out every once in a while. but even when they do, they say that i can do more, or that i can try harder. i just can not stand it :/ i wish that my family was more appreciative and more supportive. I just dont understand this.

12/29/2011 12:31 AM

I feel like i am losing my friends. :/ they never come to see me anymore… its crazy because i dont know how to come about being around them anymore, they are always so busy. No one has the time to stop and see me anymore. I just feel so… outcasted. The people that i used to be at my house everyday and were always there for me are… gonee.. I have Danny but I dont know what to do anymore. A girl needs friends. 

12:14AM 12/30/11

Im exhausted. I haven’t been able to eat. I haven’t be able to sleep. I haven’t been able to do anything. The only thing I do anymore is sit on the computer, and play with my son all day. I feel a huge surge of happiness when I am playing with santini <3 he is so cutee! But still I continue to grow weaker.I just hope that one day I don’t just crash, or pass-out or something. My anxiety has been terrible lately too. I’m wondering if it is because I am on break from school. I been spending too much money too. Im a compulsive spender. It kinda sucks because after i buy something I realize that I could have used that money on something needed, rather than wanted. Sometimes I wish I could just be a child again, about 4 years old. No responsibilities, Everyone helping you out, and no judgement. The perfect life.

I will not break down.. I am stronger than this.

1/3/2012

I hate thiss. I have gained two pounds. all that working for nothing. I didnt eat for two days just to gain two pounds. I was dumb and binged today too. I ate so much i feel like I am going to explode… I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! How fucking hard is it to lose fucking weight. and i cant take everyone telling me to eat either. IF i wanted to fucking eat i would. Everyone telling me im too skinny or that i dont need to lose weight just makes me want to even more. They will never understandd..

im not even sure I do.